Destructive Release Read online

  I nod solemnly walking to Becca and the car that is taking me away from the cottage, my memory, my love.

  “Lacey?” I turn back to the gloomy brother unable to speak from the plethora of thoughts overtaking my mind.

  “I want you to know my parents are having a rather hard time coping with the plane crash. However, they are worried about you and Evan. They have asked me to make sure the two of you safely return home. I’m going to do everything I can to help finish what my brother was trying to do.” He hesitates, takes in a mysterious breath, and then continues. “I’m sorry. We’re meeting for the first time like this, Lacey. I’ll see you in the morning.” I give him a tight, sad smile, turn and embrace the small confines of the car, hoping they can somehow comfort me. I bring the sheets to my nose and close my eyes, allowing memories to return to the last night I had my forever as Becca takes me to my future. Evan.

  It does not take long before we arrive at the guest quarters where Caine has been staying with Evan. In need of a moment to gain my composure, before stepping out to deal with this nightmare, I rest my hand on the doorknob, but it was yanked it from my grip revealing one distraught Caine. “Is Evan okay?” I beg for an answer. His irritated snarl is making me immediately think something might be wrong. Oh no, that cannot happen! I will die if that is the case.

  “Yes, Lacey, he’s fine,” Caine states, sounding irritated, so I study his milk chocolate eyes framed by the thick lashes that once melted my heart. “Lacey, I need to talk to you.” I peek over at Becca whose raises her eyebrow apologizing for what I need to do. I do not want to talk to Caine. Not while I am teetering on the brink of an emotional meltdown.

  “Lacey...?” Caine calls my name again, but with more eagerness this time. Dammit!

  “Uh... I will, ah… All right,” I give in and slide the sheets into the center console giving Becca a look to bring them in for me. Thankfully, we have not lost the ability to speak with our eyes. I step out and deftly fall in step with a barefoot Caine. It is only misting now. Inside and down the hallway into his bedroom, he motions for me to go ahead of him. I want to hurry this conversation up so I can hold Evan. Going in here is safe, right? I can hear Grandma Pain talking to Evan from the room I have been using. I hear the door click. Turning around confirms Caine closed the panel door. His larger muscular body fills the room. What do I do now?

  “Have a seat.” He gestures to the bed. Is there another place to sit? I ask myself looking around the scarce blandly decorated room. “Lacey, come on. We share a child together. We can sit on the same damn bed.” Twirling my ring, I repeat Devon’s words in my head: ‘I loved you yesterday, I love you today, and I will love you forever.’ Strength gathered from his words, I sit on the rough, outdated comforter. “We need to talk about everything that’s happened.”

  “We do,” I concur and continue to slide the ring. I feel the courage emanating from Devon to stand up to this man. If only Devon were here right now. We had the world upon us, but it disappeared. It was within reach ready for us to grab hold, but slipped out of my grasp only to be cruel enough to give me a taste of what could have been. And what will never be...

  Caine sinks into the spot to my right. The familiar scent takes me back. I know that it’s hindsight, but why did I feel so safe with him when all along I did not know the colors of his true character? Leaning forward, he rests his arms on his jean-clad knees. His tee shirt hugs his body as it always has. “I want to apologize for taking Evan away while you were grieving your mother’s death.” The ring twirling stops. He has my attention now. Is he going to do the proper thing here? “I know I have become an asshole. I want to tell you something I’ve never told you before.”

  I silently twirl the ring again allowing him to speak all the while I thank the heavens for giving him a heart.

  “The night I met you was not the first time I saw you.” Oh, what on earth does this have to do with anything at present? Questionably, I sit waiting for the moment I can walk away on my knobby, weak legs. “Every weekend I looked for you, needing a glimpse of your beauty, owning the dance floor. I have been jealous of so many people just for admiring you. I wanted you, but knew you were much too good for someone like me. The night I approached you, I couldn’t help myself. I needed to know what it would feel like to touch you, to smell you, to taste you.” What the hell? Gross! My heart shrivels at his inappropriate and outlandish words. I do not want to hear this—I am married to Devon. He abruptly stops, throwing his head in his hands, consumed by something troublesome.

  “I should’ve just left you alone,” he laments. “I shouldn’t have ever brought you into my fucked up world, but after that one dance, Lacey, it was too late. I was a goner, and there was no way I was going to let you go. I knew I had to have you regardless of the consequences.” Heaving another maddened sigh, he continues. “Problem is, I came from a fucked up childhood and allowed myself to treat you the way I saw the number of men that came in and out of my mother’s life treat her. I’m sorry, Lacey.”

  My blood boils as I halfheartedly listen with my thoughts reverting to the hateful Caine. I have no desire to sit here and listen to the bullshit. The wounds are still fresh from when he cut me open with his cruel words and vicious acts. It was not too long ago.

  “Caine, I’m tired, and I want to spend time with Evan. Can we just wait until tomorrow to talk?” I begin to stand before he pungently yanks me back down.

  “Lacey, I demand you to fucking listen to me for once. I’m making an attempt to tell you how sad and sorry I am for taking Evan.” My gaze catches his exasperation in the reflection staring at me. I cannot deal with this. “How do you suppose I feel? Dammit, Lacey, listen!” He raises his voice. “I’ve lost everything else already. I was your husband, Lacey!” His hostile voice grows. “But you don’t care about me, do you? I’m fucking trying here and you won’t give me a chance.” Caine throws his hands up in frustration. Please Caine, as if that is ever going to cause me to listen. Numbness consumes me.

  “I gave you more than one chance, Caine. I loved you at one time, but I’m not in love with you.” I express with very little emotion needing to calm his anger.

  “Bullshit, Lacey!” His booming voice startles me. “There is no fucking way you aren’t in love with me. I have been there for you. I’m the one who was by your side for six weeks talking to your lifeless body.” His facial muscles harden resembling the narrowing eyes. “I was the one who didn’t know if you were going to wake up or if Evan would grow up without a mom. Where was your dead husband then?” he spitefully spits causing my head to snap.

  I stare at the hateful person before me, wondering how he could be so vicious. “We don’t know that for certain, Caine!” I shout at the bastard. “I’m holding onto a sliver of hope that he’s coming back to me and Evan.” I emphasize the ‘v’ as the syllable vibrates through teeth biting into my lower lip. His words cut deep and hurt. Understanding a number of the choices I have made over the last couple of years has not been wise, but a few were some of the best decisions I have ever made. My poor judgment began a long time ago, perhaps as far back as when I was eight years old. I would like to think I am learning from my mistakes.

  My head lowers, hanging as if it springs from the hinges holding it together. I shut my eyes closing off the world. With balled fists, I fall over driving them into my eyes as I struggle to hold back the tears spilling too generously. My defiant emotions are unstoppable. There seems to be no ending to the despair raging within my veins.

  “Lacey,” he moves closer. I can feel his breath and my repulsion immediately sets in. I need to get up. I need to leave, but there is not one thing I can do to move the lead filling my body. Thoughts consume and lacking concentration on the current state of affairs. “I want you to stay here with me and Evan.” He moves to kneel in front of me and continues. “Let’s finally be a family. I’ve made a terrible mess of things. Nonetheless, I know we can move past this, Lacey. Please forgive me, baby, please. I love yo
u,” he stresses with begging soft eyes, “and I want to spend the remainder of my lifetime with you.” His hands cup my face, lifting it as if it is a skeleton, and easily manipulates its subject to his every whim. Our eyes meet again for a moment. “Please say you’ll stay with me, Lacey, and we can live happily forever after.” Forever. Mine is gone.

  Before I grasp what is happening, his lips are on mine. The need to evacuate the situation sets in. I pull away and shake my head, hoping Caine will understand and get the hint. I do not want to get into this with him. My grief has left me weak. I just want to gather my baby’s things and be on my way with the one who will forever help me wake up every morning. My mind whirls like images in a kaleidoscope.

  Caine’s threatening stare bore holes into my sad eyes. “Why are you fucking pulling away every time, Lacey?” He leans in returning his lips to mine where they were evicted previously.

  “Please, Caine, I can’t,” I cry. Dammit. I struggle as the weakness overpowers my mind, body, and soul. I do not know how I am going to…

  Blackness... Silently drifting, it’s a soothing contradiction. A blissful state compared to the emotional hell I have been battling.

  “Lacey, you need to wake up, sweetheart.” A distant voice pulls me closer. “Please wake up for me, Sugar.” Sugar Pants? It was all a dream. Oh, my God. It is Devon!

  “I’ve missed you so much.” I surrender just before our lips lock. A knot swells in my stomach, something is not right. “You’re here,” I cry in echoes of joy.

  “I’m right here, Lacey. You miss this, don’t you?” Pause. “You can’t deny how fucking fantastic this feels.” Pause. “Your gorgeous body was built just for me. I know you want this as much as I do.” The excited impression rubs and sends my mind whirling. Coolness tickles my skin where my shirt usually resides. I don’t remember taking it off. Hands roam freely covering as much space as possible. My hands blindly trail along the strangely familiar muscle ridges on his back and I pull him closer.

  “I need you, Devon.” All of a sudden, a cold chill attacks my skin. His body jerks away. I open my eyes and it is Caine. “Argh! What the hell are you doing, Caine?” My arms fly to cover the discernible layer, evident of my wrongdoings.

  “What do you mean what the hell am I doing? We were fucking making out, and then you called me that shit-face’s name. You passed out, and I was waking you when you instigated all of this.” He pins me with a menacing stare.

  Oh, no, this cannot be. “Caine, let me up.” I cry while strong hands reach for mine rapaciously throwing them to the sides of my head. My stomach lurches in defense.

  “You’re not fucking going anywhere, Lacey.” I close my eyes from his venom. “Open your damn eyes. Why did you call me Devon?” His strained red face alarms me. “I was your fucking husband and should still be, but you decided to whore around.” His eyes burn red and the knot in my throat begins to close my airway, “Where the fuck is the woman I married years ago? I am the only person you were ever supposed to have sex with.” His strong hands wrap around my upper arms, seeking answers, the muscles in his face tightening.

  “Caine, please. I’m married.” I manage to cry as my inner fear kicks in screaming to run away. “Please let me up.” I cry harder as he continues to degrade me. His grip burns from contact. It is difficult to breathe with my throat tight from my responses. “I allowed you to control me once. I won’t do it again.”

  “No, Lacey, he’s dead. You’ve left me with no other option.” He groans, raising my unwilling arms above my head. Securing them in one of his strong hands, he begins to tug on the waistline of my pants. Oh, dear God, please do not pull them down. “I know you want it. You are not getting up or going anywhere. Feel this, Lacey, see how fucking hard I am for you? You want this.” His movements become more intense as do my tears.

  Speechless.

  Silent.

  Again.

  “You are so fucking beautiful. Please, stop crying.” His temper softens with compassion revived in his eyes. A thumb traces my upper cheek to wipe away the moisture. “I want to see you fall apart... make love to me baby.” He whines while I continue to struggle causing his anger to flair. “Don’t make me fuck sense into you.” I can’t let him do that. Before he has a chance, I knee him in the groin, putting a halt to this heinous act. “FUCK!” he yells. Hands cover his crotch while fire burns his cheeks and reddens his eyes. “YOU,” he gasps, “you fucking BITCH! What the fuck was that for?” Seizing the moment, I scramble to get out from underneath Caine.

  A knock on the door has both of our heads turning when the person does not wait for answer and Becca thankfully intrudes. “What the hell are you two fighting about?” gasping, she looks between Caine and me, understanding dawns on her. Becca pales. “Lacey, do I need to call the police?” I shake my head violently. Stubbornly. Things are bad, but I am scared they can get a whole lot worse, and I am concerned it will intensify the situation if we involve the authorities. Consciousness and emotions clash like waves in the ocean crashing onto the shore, a once beautiful star falling from the sky, explosive fire destroying everything it touches, and bloodshed on a battlefield, my conflicting emotions will need to hold it together. One more night. I just need to last one more night. In addition, Grandma Pain will hear about this soon enough. I silently pray I’m not making another destructive choice. No, this is what’s best for Evan.

  Grabbing my top to cover my chest, I scurry around Caine and Becca as she stands guard until I am out of his bedroom. The adrenaline flowing through my veins is helping me move faster. I run into the room I have been occupying. Evan and Grandma Pain are not in here. A relieving loud sigh escapes me knowing I don’t have to face them like this. Worried Caine will come in, I begin to shut the door, but Becca barges her way in and closes it herself diligently locking us in.

  I throw my top back on just as Becca reaches with both hands on my shoulders. She looks me square in the eye. “I need to ask you some questions. I’m only looking for vrse answers. Please reply with a yes or no. That’s basically it. Do you understand me?” I nod, realizing we both have tears streaming down our cheeks.

  “Love, you need to brace reality. Do you see the person Caine can be?” Weighted with a mixture of emotions—anger, sadness, guilt, I fight to nod a reply.

  “Do you want to get out of here as soon as possible?” I gesture yes again.

  “Then you need to start figuring out what we are taking with us tomorrow. Okay?” I nod, and she thrust her arms around me, causing me to cry more. “Please try to remain positive. Love, there is still a possibility Devon is out there trying to get to you.” Drawing back with concerned eyes, she pauses an uncalculated moment before asking, “Do you want to talk about what was going on in there with Caine?” Her eyebrows furrow and she points in the direction of his bedroom.

  “No!” I quickly bark. If I start, we might not ever be ready to leave in the morning.

  Devon was right about Caine. He was absolutely right. He took Evan out of malice, not because he wanted him. I have allowed Caine to control me, and he has tried and succeeded to hurt me again. Why did I not listen to Devon and report this to the police? I would still have Devon. Come on, Lacey, you need to get with it. Stop with the ‘what ifs’ and focus on the right now and getting Evan home.

  I do my best to remain in the room as much as possible the rest of the night. Grandma Pain suspected something terrible happened between her grandson and me. When she was just about to ask, I shook my head, trying to tell her silently that I did not want to tell her now. Perhaps I never will. I am so ashamed of myself for allowing the situation with Caine to transpire. I certainly should have known better.

  One and a Half

  “We’re married so you will do exactly what I say.”

  “Please, Caine, no.” I cry wanting to visit my family.

  “No, you’re going to tell them you’re busy. There is no need for you to be around them. They’ll corrupt you and ruin our marriage.”
/>   I turn and run upstairs wishing I had never said ‘I do’ to the hateful, cold man. A hand catches my foot taking me off balance. I sway and try to pull it out of the grip holding it down.

  “I never said you could walk away.” My body slides down the stairs and past Caine, coming to a rest at the bottom. I need to protect my baby. The edge of the step went directly into my stomach. God, please help.

  Storming down the stairs, he crouches down so that we’re eye level. A hand lifts to cup my jaw tight. With his fingers burning into my jaw, he continues. “I don’t ever want you talking to your parents again. And Lane is a fucking Bitch! I hate them all, and I swear to God, if you tell any bullshit to Becca, you won’t see her either!” He pushes his fingers into the sore muscled joints for a moment before tossing my head to the side where I fall to the floor.

  What do I do now? I can’t go to anyone…

  “Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy.”

  ~Author Unknown

  A knock on the door from Caine wakes me from my grogginess to tell me he is leaving for work. Half-heartedly, I listen while he attempts a lousy apology. He pleads for forgiveness from the raging storm that happened last night. Claims he is out of his mind in love with me. Painful realization settles that I do not return the same feelings. Hopeful that our feelings would rekindle by making love to me, and then all would be fine in the world. Not wanting to argue or give him a reason to stay, I blow him off by appeasing him with a lazy shrug with my shoulders. I mean, seriously, what am I supposed to say? If it were not for me trying to escape, I would yell, “Bastard, raping me isn’t the way to my heart!” What idiot thinks it is okay to behave this way? Oh, yeah, the person I once married. Lest we forget.