Destructive Release Read online

  Table of Contents

  Title Page

  COPYRIGHT

  A NOTE

  DISCLAIMER

  DEDICATION

  PLAYLIST

  THE WORLD OF BECCA

  Oh, my Devon…

  PROLOGUE

  HALF CHAPTER

  CHAPTER ONE

  One and a Half

  CHAPTER TWO

  Two and a Half

  CHAPTER THREE

  Three and a Half

  CHAPTER FOUR

  Four and a Half

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Five and a Half

  CHAPTER SIX

  Six and a Half

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Seven and a Half

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  Eight and a Half

  CHAPTER NINE

  Nine and a Half

  CHAPTER TEN

  Ten and a Half

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  Eleven and a Half

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  Twelve and a Half

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  Thirteen and a Half

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  Fourteen and a Half

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Fifteen and a Half

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Sixteen and a Half

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  Seventeen and a Half

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  EPILOGUE

  HAPPILY EVER AFTER?

  ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

  RESOURCES

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  SNEAK PEEK

  WHAT OTHER'S ARE SAYING

  Destructive Release

  By L U Ann

  Destructive Release Text Copyright © 2014 by L U Ann

  All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the authors’ rights.

  Disclaimer: This is the work based on the author’s life. All characters, organizations, and events portrayed in this novel are either products of the author’s imagination, her experience or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales are entirely coincidental if they did not actually occur from memory.

  The author acknowledges the trademark status and trademark owners of various products referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used without permission. The publication/use of these trademarks is not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owners.

  ISBN - 13: 978-1500435073

  ISBN - 10: 1500435074

  Editor: Rogena Mitchell-Jones

  Cover Artist: Lori Hall-Underwood

  Cover Photographer: Desiree Delgado

  Published by L U Ann

  Dear Readers,

  Thank you so much for purchasing Destructive Release and wanting to read the final leg of Lacey’s journey from a naive teenager to adulthood. This story picks up where Destructive Choices left off. Many scenarios might appear far-fetched to the average reader. I ask that you keep an open mind as people react differently to each and every situation.

  This is not only Lacey’s story, it’s mine. I hope you can take something away from this book and use it as a gift, if not for you, but possibly a friend or family member.

  Happy reading!

  LU Ann

  Lacey Edwards

  Disclaimer

  This is the third and final book in A Destructive Novel Series. Each story picks up immediately following the last and should be read in order: Destructive Silence, Destructive Choices, and finally, Destructive Release. This series contains mature adult content, which at times are dark. Hard life events are discussed and briefly described. If you are unable to read the material with inferences of rape, suicide, physical and emotional abuse, please do not purchase. If you can handle it, welcome to destruction aka the fact-based fictional world of LU Ann.

  Destructive Release Playlist

  Spotify link: Destructive Release

  Still Here ~ Digital Daggers

  Human ~ Christina Perri

  Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) ~ Hillsong United

  Heaven Knows ~ The Pretty Reckless

  Am I Wrong ~ Nico & Vinz

  Over the Rainbow/What A Wonderful World ~ Israel “IZ” Kamakawiwoole

  Sweater Weather ~ The Neighbourhood

  Still Here ~ Digital Daggers

  You and I ~ Johnnyswim

  Ave Marie ~ The Priests

  Love Runs Out ~ One Republic

  A Sky Full of Stars ~ Coldplay

  Me and My Broken Heart ~ Rixton

  THE WORLD OF BECCA

  Glossary of Becc-lish

  Lacey’s best friend Becca has a language all of her own that she refers to as Becc-lish as you’ve witnessed in the first two books.

  ‘Becc-lish’ is derived from words spoken in today’s society that are defined in the Urban Dictionary. Below is a list of the words used throughout the story.

  Vrse: Quick yes or no answers.

  Kidnacuddlisious: For something to involve potential stealing a person away, to feed and give affection to.

  Nightmare squared: Hellish situation multiplied by itself.

  Bulltesh: To utilize nonsense as the sole method of getting ahead of other people unfairly, and succeeds at it. Normally associated with unfairly degrading the position of a much more diligent individual.

  Honestbutt: To be as honest as what your butt looks like.

  Domestic Blindness: Can’t find the item.

  Love Sickers: A term for a pair crazy in love with one another.

  Straight Money: Someone/something that can ALWAYS be counted on for whatever... wherever... whenever.

  Just Ducky: Calm on the surface, paddling like crazy beneath.

  Hit me on the Hip: Calling someone on their cellphone.

  Oh, my Devon…

  My love, my one, my only

  I loved you yesterday

  I love you today

  I will love you forever

  You made me better

  Without you, I am virulent

  Looking for an outlet.

  I will forever wish I wasn’t saying goodbye

  But you and I will never let our love die.

  You are my love, my one, my only

  It will be a challenge to not be lonely

  Missing you every day

  Evermore lost on my way

  I will talk to you each night as I lay

  Wishing you could have stayed

  I will continue to live for my baby boy

  As he brings me so much joy.

  Wishing you were part of my life

  If only to continue to be your wife

  Four days are only a single digit

  Ninety-six hours since our last visit

  Five thousand, seven hundred and sixty minutes

  Emotions run without limits

  Two hundred and forty seconds

  Since my life took a pivot.

  I loved you yesterday, Devon

  I love you today

  And I will love you forever

  The breeze you wrap me each day with a hug

  Will bring us together another day my love

  When I was five years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down 'happy'. They told me I didn't understand the assignment, and I told them they didn't understand life.

  ~John Lennon

  A shiver erupts from the onset of cold air and it thankfully brings me back to the present where I quickly reach
for the oversized warm towel. Stepping out of the shower, I squeeze the moisture wicking material closer. All the while, my body adjusts to the change in temperature. A fleeting glance of myself in the mirror halts any future movements. Although saddened by what happened, as a result of Caine, I cannot help but stare at my reflection as uncertainty overtakes me at this moment.

  The person glaring back appears drained of some of the life she once held. The pranks, the dancing, and the laughter she shared with her best friend. She is gone. Has the person in the mirror grown up? On the other hand, could she have withered away? Eyes slowly roam the figure before me.

  I am certainly very different from the naive teenager who failed miserably at escaping her past in nightclubs. What happened to her? The combination of desire and impulsive behavior significantly changed the course of my life. I will never regret Evan. He has helped me see life in a completely new brightness. He blesses me with his pitter-patter and incessant talk of this and that. I love watching him as he plays, inspecting each piece, discovering how things are indeed working. There is no telling what could happen if he got his hands on a few tools. I am sure most of the furniture would be in disarray and disassembled in no time.

  The refraction of light glimmers and it pulls my attention to the blue diamond sitting on my left hand. It beautifully matches the eyes of the last man I will ever love.

  My gaze falters as my fingers gloss over the bump that has grown. Yes, I have so much to be grateful and thankful.

  Softly singing the words of Hallelujah in harmony with the song playing in the background, I step into the simple black knee length dress Becca helped me choose.

  ... And it pleased the Lord...

  I settle on simple black ballerina slippers so I can keep up with Evan. Blindly, I reach for the beautiful silver eternity bracelet Devon gifted me. Placing it on my wrist, I reminisce of the afternoon he surprised me with it.

  The water lapped the shore while we watched boats glide as they navigated the coastline. The large rocks where we laid a blanket and picnicked was glorious on its own. The shock of finding a bow adorning the box quickened my breath. What I found on the inside of the square container held nothing to my previously harmonious thoughts. An eternity sign with equal chain links on each side exalted any flickering thoughts of the intimidating man back at the house. Devon’s blue eyes sparkled so brightly they matched the open sky. The breeze bonded us in a swirl. The three of us were all that mattered. “I am eternally grateful to have you and Evan in my life.” His words warmed my heart and admiration grew stronger for the humble man—my husband.

  Clasping the bracelet, I observe my mirrored image once more. Gloss fills my eyes as if floodwaters threaten to unleash. The magnitude of all that has transpired fuses to my memory. This irreplaceable piece of metal is something I will always cherish.

  Hallelujah... Hallelujah...

  “Mommee,” Evan cries as he scurries into my room, ripping off a hideous clip on tie.

  “What is it, Sweet Pea?” I ask and squat to his level. Little sad eyes liquefy. Wiping his tears, I try to calm his trembles.

  “Aw, Beta,” he points. I chuckle at the name he has given Becca, I watch her semi-amused form in the doorway that frames the Venetian Plastered bedroom walls. With a hand on her hip, she is hard-pressed to appear irritated. Evan came running to me. I smile back at her failed attempt. The earth-toned walls and old world style of the room compliment her dark, almost black hair in perfect curls. Stunning, she looks as if she just stepped off the runway.

  Evan quickly hides his face from the world, mainly Becca, in the crook of my neck while the tie takes up residence on the spacious dark wood-planked floor.

  “Sweet Pea, you don’t need to wear the tie, but you will look so handsome.” As the doorbell rings, Becca turns on her heels to answer. “Evan, look at Mommy,” I ask trying to steady him back on his feet. Smoothing out his light blue button up shirt, I admire just how beautiful my little man is. The shirt makes his eyes shine brighter. Becca did a great job dressing him. Well... Then there is a tie situation.

  “Tonight is a big night and Mommy needs you to be a big boy. Can you do that for me?” I gaze into his beautiful blue tear-filled eyes.

  He nods, sniffing. “If you don’t want to wear this,” I walk over to retrieve the tie, “You don’t have to, but I bet all the other big boys will be wearing their ties.” I try to explain, but then he hears the voice that makes his eyes brighten as if his favorite train character has come to life.

  Grabbing the tie out of my hand, Evan leaves as quickly as he came in. His little voice shouting, “Ran, Ran, Ran,” elicits a happy smile to my face. He loves his Uncle Ryan, who fortunately has been around a lot lately.

  With Evan’s attention quickly diverted, I slowly stand with my attention gravitating toward the floor length mirror. Hands smooth any stray wrinkles trailing the fabric of my dress gently running over the little bulge that has arisen. My heart warms knowing Devon is with me always. A small piece of him runs through my veins. His strength and love will shine on in our baby. I pray he or she will hold his beautiful piercing blue eyes.

  Looking into the reflected stare, I take a chance to peer into the distant soul. How can a heart be so heavy and full of sadness when there is so much to be grateful for? When God has been so gracious in his blessings? I wish I could forget so much of the pain and just be happy. It is just so difficult to move forward, knowing all that has transpired. Worrisome occupies my thoughts too often lately. I am frightened to lose more, to make the wrong choice, or create more pain for the ones I love.

  HALF CHAPTER

  Stumbling through the apartment, I reach the bathroom. Angry, I tear open the cabinet watching it break free from its top hinges to arrive at a rest swinging upside down.

  I reach for the first bottle with trembling hands twisting off the top dumping the contents quickly into the toilet, the contents so small, yet so destructive. Satisfied, I grab the next bottle and continue. When only my inhaler remains, I throw it with all of my might against the pristine tiles on the shower wall.

  These killed my mom. Someone prescribed her these medicines, taking a combination of God knows what, and that is why she is gone.

  I hate medicine.

  I despise doctors.

  I fall to my knees and cry for my mom.

  Sometimes you have to forget what’s gone, appreciate what still remains and look forward to what’s coming next.

  ~Author Unknown

  The piercing blue eyes are familiar, yet worlds apart. Heaviness pools in these mournful eyes. Oh, my God, it is not Devon. My Devon. Succumbed to confusion and detestable reality, “Who are you?” I shout, reprimanding the imposter. He steps closer, reaching for my arms, but I cannot take it. I want, no, not want, need... I need Devon! No one else is allowed to have me in his or her arms.

  “Lacey, stop it!” Becca roars, demanding my immediate attention to stop. The twists and turns my heart is experiencing is unfair. I turn to my best friend for answers, just as the sky begins to open, allowing the first drop of rain to hit the sacred sheets that hold the last remaining part that I have of my husband.

  “It’s Ryan.” Becca hesitates, shielding her eyes from the light falling droplets. “It’s his brother, Lacey.” What? The similarities are recognizable under closer examination—matching jaw line, nose, but the shape of his piercing eyes are slightly different. There is a scar above is right eyelid. NO! Why can’t it be Devon? My temples throb from the confusion of reality.

  He takes another step in, closing the gap, creating stagnate air so thick it is harder to breathe. “Once I got the news of my brother, five days ago, I was granted immediate leave from my assignment in Germany to come home,” the man with so many of the familiar features I long to see says, but the pain suddenly flares its intensity hearing his voice. The eyes reflecting hold a knowing agony behind them. Unbeknownst, I am startled as his arms engulf me in a hug. I cannot make myself return the gesture. My
arms are carrying something too precious.

  The grey, ominous clouds that block the beautiful sun rays create a low-lying ceiling. It blankets the earth with the threat of a foreboding evil. My grief, a menacing parallel, suffocates my heart. A gust of wind pushes me forward, plastering my soft cotton top and black yoga pants against my back. Wisps of raven strands dislodge from the clip and frame my vision. If my arms were not holding the valuable sheets, I would secure the bothersome strands.

  Unaware of how much time has passed because time does not exist, Becca interrupts my consumed thoughts. “Lacey, you need to focus.” Her sad eyes plead with mine, recognizing the disappointment knowing I wish it were Devon and not his brother. “Love, please do exactly what I say and we’ll have your little boy home late tomorrow night. Ryan knows about our plan and will be picking us up in the morning,” Becca stresses. Her voice cracked. Is she nervous? Is meeting Ryan like this too much? Does she like him? All of these people trying to get Evan home. He has so much love and support behind him. I take a step back, eyes instantly falling to the little pebbles of gravel as my foot disturbs their resting place under each sweep. Shame becomes too palatable. My grief did not put Evan first. I could potentially lose something else very precious, and that is all I need to concentrate on right now. Evan does not deserve a mom unstable or one who does not think clearly and of her child first. I thought I was protecting Evan by not contacting the authorities. The last thing I ever believed would happen was more heartache and loss. How much can one person take?

  “Ryan?” I faintly question using a hand to block the flowing strands hovering over my face.

  “Yeah?” he asks with grief-stricken, tired eyes kindly giving me attention.

  “Is he really gone?” I weep, barely registering the thought I just queried.

  “I don’t know. Nevertheless, please do not give up on him. They’ve only found two bodies. There’s optimism in that.” He draws his heavy brows. “Isn’t there?” he awaits an expectant response. Maybe it’s a look of hope that he’s not the only one holding out Devon will return. Where are his parents? Why haven’t they come to help us get home? His dad knows why we’re here. My head hurts too much to think about all of this right now. I need to hold Evan and know he’s safe.