Destructive Choices Read online

  "Mrs. Rogers?"

  Huh, where did that sound come from?

  "Mrs. Rogers, can you hear me?"

  Wait, that's someone's voice. Does that mean I'm definitely alive and will see my Evan again? Oh, my God. I need to be there for my baby boy. I want to see him take his first steps, teach him to ride a bike, and see him off on his first day of school. Please God, I beg you to please let me live. I'll do anything.

  "Mrs. Rogers?"

  The voice keeps shouting at me as if I don't have a fucking clue what my name is. I don't recognize whom it belongs to. My body starts to jerk back and forth, and I know I'm moving, but not of my own accord. Where did that voice go?

  "Mrs. Rogers, my name is Doctor Gray. Can you hear me?"

  I try to tell him to shut the hell up with his questions, but nothing comes out. Panic is setting in as if I'm going fucking berserk just like the Eminem song. I open my mouth, but it’s in vain. Damn, I cannot be silent again. I'm finished allowing silence to destroy me.

  "Can I have a few more sponges? We need to stop this bleeding," a voice says through the incessant beeping of various hospital equipment attached to me. "Doctor Gray, I'll call the OR and make sure they are ready."

  Wait, what?

  "Make sure they know the spleen is lacerated. It seems a number of ribs are fractured, flail chest is still unstable, and she is unconscious."

  No! I'm NOT! I can hear you. Please listen, please! Beep, beep, beep... Ugh, I can’t stand that sound. I need to go home to Evan. I don't have time for this. Please, God, I pray. I'll do anything to have another day with my baby, I beg. I'll even stay with Caine if that's what You want. Nothing matters but my baby boy. Just don't take me from him. I don't want him to grow up without a mom. Please, that has to be one of the most difficult things for a child. I ask You not to put him through it. You can't leave him with Caine as a parent. He'll corrupt his mind and then he will turn out just like his father. Darkness, pain, and the mental anguish, I'll endure it all for my Evan. Just please...

  Darkness engulfs me once again. NO!

  "Lacey?"

  Huh? A voice pulls me from the deep dark depths of my soul.

  "Lacey, can you hear me?"

  I don't want to open my eyes. Then I'll know whether or not I'm at the pearly gates... or somewhere else. I don't want to be there. I just want to be home with my baby. Please don't let me be awaiting Saint Peter (or worse) to tell me my fate.

  "Lacey, can you squeeze my hand if you hear me?"

  That voice sounds familiar.

  "MOM!"

  Fuck! Do we need to shout?

  "MOM, come here! Someone go get the doctor! Oh, Lacey, please wake up. Please."

  I can hear a growl escape her throat as if frustrated.

  "MOM! Her eyes are fluttering!"

  For Heaven's sake, somebody is out of her mind with madness. My head is pounding, and her screeching is piercing every nerve ending in my skull.

  "Mom, where's the damn doctor?"

  That is Lane. Oh, thank you, God! I promise never to miss another week of church, I promise.

  "Lane, is she all right? What is all the shouting about?"

  That's Mom, my Mom! Where's Evan?

  "Mom, her eyes moved."

  Ugh, for the love of everything holy! Do we need to be talking so loud? My head feels like it's going to erupt.

  "Lane, Sweetie, remember the doctor said she will have involuntary movements. I know we’re anxious for her to wake up, but they just stopped giving her the medicine. It could take a while for her to wake up from the drug-induced coma." Mom tries to explain.

  Wait, did she just say involuntary… coma? What?

  "No, stop Mom. Lacey's coming back right now. I can feel it, and I know she can hear me. It wasn't until I asked her to squeeze my hand that her eyes started moving. It's not involuntary. I just know it. I know she hears me, Mom! She's coming back to us, and I refuse to listen to anyone who tells me otherwise."

  Oh, Lane's crying and it's almost unbearable to hear the choking of her sobs as she pleads with our mom. I feel something heavy, as if Lane is laying on me, but it's gone as quickly as it came. Aw, was she giving me a hug?

  "Are you going to get the doctor?" I can hear the irritation in Lane's tone. "Mom, I know she is waking up. I know it!"

  "Okay, I know you do, Sweetie, but there is nothing the doctor will do until she wakes on her own. Why don't you relax and keep talking to her? Lacey Honey, please wake up, Baby, we miss you."

  Mom!

  Lane continues. "I feel so helpless. It's not fair to her, Evan, or even Caine for that matter, Mom. What are we going to do if she can't walk or never wakes up? Everything was just fine. She finally got herself together and started moving forward. I don't get why she bolted out of the club. I just... I don't see what could have sent her outside without telling any of us. If I had been paying better attention, if I was a better sister, maybe none of this would've happened."

  Caine! It was Caine!! I scream to myself.

  Mom gasps. "Lane, don't you dare feel responsible for what happened! I am sure there is a logical explanation for the events of that terrible night." Mom's tone softens. "Please, don’t blame yourself. It could've happened to anyone."

  Lane counters. "I know you're right. Well, at least my head knows you're right, but my heart doesn't. I don't know how to explain it, Mom. She's my little sister. I'm supposed to look out for her. She's had so much happen to her, not just now, but throughout her life. I didn't stop what happened to her all those years ago because I wanted to help you and Grandpa, but I don't know. I could have maybe kept a better eye on her, especially when I realized Caine had arrived." Lane sobs. "You know what? I can't sit here any longer. I'm going to speak to the nurse about what I saw." Her voice fades away.

  "Sweetheart, listen to me. I need you to wake up as soon as you’re ready," Mom cries. "We miss you so much and Evan wants you. He's been babbling and looking for you, Darling. Please, Baby Girl. I love you–"

  "Mrs. Edwards?"

  I can make out the sound of feet shuffling closer.

  "Has she awakened?"

  "No, Sweetie, she hasn't. Lane thinks she's coming around though. She said she saw her eyes flutter when she asked her to squeeze her hand."

  "Lacey, I'm here. I hope you hear me because I miss you something fierce. Evan and I both miss you so much. Your sweet laughter, your smile that warms every one's heart, and even those annoying nightly routines you have of checking the locks over and over as if somehow they’ll magically unlock on their own.” A soft growl erupts his throat as he continues. “We miss everything about you, Babe. Please wake up soon. It's been so long."

  NO! Caine has no right to say this.

  "I think her body needs some more time for the medicine to wear off before she opens her eyes."

  Pardon? My body?

  "They began weaning her off the ventilator about an hour ago."

  "The nurse said she will let the doctor know what I saw." Lane's voice chimes in nearby.

  "Do they know if there is any damage from the concussion? I wonder if she'll remember any of the accident."

  That voice, what the hell is he doing here? I bet he wishes in that delusional mind of his that I won't remember.

  "The doctors don't know. I just wish I knew what made her run out like that that night," Lane says.

  What the hell day is it and how fucking long have I been here?

  "I don't understand. She got up to go to the bathroom, and not even fifteen minutes later, there's a commotion about someone getting hit by a car."

  I'm so sorry, Lane. I seriously didn't mean to upset you. I don't think it's your fault.

  "Do you know why she ran, Caine?"

  Tell Lane, you arrogant asshole. Just tell her the truth.

  "No. I have no idea."

  Oh, you just wait until I wake up, Caine. I remember; I know why I ran. You put your dick into another woman while trying to win my heart. I need to will mys
elf awake. Bastard!

  "Hopefully, she'll wake up soon and be able to tell us," Mom says in a soft voice, as my mind drifts to the depths of my emotion.

  "Where's Evan?" Mom asks.

  "He's downstairs with your husband."

  "Thanks, Caine." Mom's voice gets closer. "I love you, Honey, and need to go, but I'll be back tomorrow. Please try to wake up, Baby." Mom's voice sounds close to my ear, and I can feel her hand against my cheek. I could feel that! Oh, thank Heavens for that! But why is Mom running out so quickly? I don't understand what's happening.

  Ouch!

  "Excuse me, what are you doing? Are you trying to hurt her?" Mom's voice is strained.

  "No, Ma'am. I'm probing to find out if I can get her to respond, and it looks like today is our lucky day."

  "What do you mea–" Mom gasps. "Lacey? Oh, my God, Lacey, Baby. Thank you, Jesus! Honey?" Panic laces her voice as she brushes my hair away from my face. "Can you see me?"

  I blink several times to focus and try to smile at Mom. My head is pounding, and the entire room is blurry.

  "Pardon me for a moment. I'd like to get Doctor Gray," says the mean doctor inflicting the pain on me.

  "Sweetie, you had us so scared," Mom says between sobs, shaking her head in disbelief.

  At least I can see movement.

  "I don't know exactly what happened or why, but Honey, you were hit by a car." She pushes her lips tight and closes her eyes, trying to hide her tears. Her face, this close to mine, allows me to focus easier.

  I know I was hit by that stupid taxi driver who was more worried about whatever was in the seat next to him than keeping his eyes on the road. But how can they not know what happened? Fuck, I was running away from Caine. Apparently, when I was out like a light, Caine didn't tell them. Nice work, Bastard.

  I try to take a deep breath, and holy shit, that hurts. Crap, it hurts to breathe, and what the hell? My eyes try to focus on Mom, and my heart begins to pound in my chest as my hands move to my mouth, pulling on whatever the hell someone put in it.

  With alarm bells beginning to sound, Mom explains.

  "Lacey, you have a breathing tube in. Don’t pull on it. Wait for the doctor. They need to get it out, Sweetheart, not you. Stop panicking; you’re in safe hands. You’re going to be fine. You just need to give your body time to heal." Mom grabs hold of both of my hands, helping calm my nerves.

  I shake my head to say no, and wince with pain. It takes everything I have in me to keep from pulling this crap out. My arms feel like a ton of bricks.

  "Sweetie, hold on. Let’s wait for the doctor. I promise it will be okay."

  I close my eyes as tears run down my face from the overwhelming reality that something is not right. Calm settles in after a while, and amazingly, I relish the darkness now, whereas before it frightened me. I don't know how long I've been out, but the lights are so freaking bright, and I’m so tired. Mom excuses herself for a moment once someone else enters the room.

  "Well, hello there. You will have lots of people happy to know you've awakened from your little nap," says the cheerful lady I think is a nurse.

  "Lacey, you crazy bitch! How fucking dare you scare the crap out of me like that! Do you know what you have put me through? I am so going to kick that tight ass of yours for leaving the club without me!"

  Oh dear, Becca's mad, but I'm so happy to know she's here. She obviously has no problem speaking her mind in my current state.

  I smile back, feeling the skin around my mouth pull away from the tape.

  "Don't you fucking dare smile at me!"

  We hear a gasp, and our eyes find Mom.

  "Sorry, Mom! You know how scared we were about her." Becca turns back to me. "Your daughter extracts all my naughtiness." Becca gives me a wink.

  Bitch!

  "She just woke up. I see you've met her nurse."

  Nurse? No! The last thing I want is to see another Smurf. I saw my fair share when I had Evan.

  "Knock, knock, I hear someone is awake." A man whom I presume is my doctor states the obvious, while walking into the room with someone behind him. I close my eyes, praying this means I get to go home. "Lacey, give us a couple of minutes and we'll get that tube out. Okay?"

  Opening my eyes to nod at the doctor, my heart skips. Oh, my God. I couldn't focus with him so far away. But now? Shit! Why do I get the freaking hot doctor? I probably look like death, and what do I get? I get a hot doctor. Why is karma playing these tricks on me? Goodness! Close your eyes, Lacey, and pretend he has horrible teeth and moles all over his face. Yeah, that way you won’t be humiliated by the freaking hot doc looking at me… OH. MY. GOD. What is that going up my hoo-ha? NO! Please God, you cannot be doing this to me. This is just too cruel.

  "You must have been daydreaming, Love," Becca chimes in, popping her bubble gum and startling me. "I'll let this Hunkalicious here check you out, but then we have some matters to discuss regarding a particular night you decided to do something stupid."

  I close my eyes not wanting to relive that night. Wait, what day is it now?

  "You might need to wait on that talk. Lacey needs her rest."

  Becca rolls her eyes and begrudgingly moves out of the doctor's way, but not before shouldering him with annoyance first. Hmm. She lifts her body onto the window ledge, smacking her gum, and almost purposefully ignoring Doctor Hunkalicious. I may not have been awake long, but I certainly understand ‘Becca-body-language’, and it screams interested.

  I return my eyes to the doctor and what he's doing, but soon lose interest and take in my surroundings. Wow, this room is the pits. I didn't notice before, but it's downright ugly. Before? Seriously, Lacey, you just woke up; of course, you wouldn’t have noticed it sooner. Who the hell can heal in a room with puke yellow walls? It's uglier than hell, not that I really know what hell looks like. Well, maybe that's not entirely true. Thank Heavens I didn't die. I probably wouldn't see those pearly gates anyhow with all the mistakes I've made.

  "Lacey, can you hear me?"

  Huh? I blink at the doctor.

  "I’m glad to see you’re awake. My name is Doctor Deaton; I'm one of the doctors trying to make you better. Give us a minute, and we'll get that tube out of your mouth. This is Chris; he’s the assisting intern who will be helping me out this evening.” Chris is the one Becca referred to as Hunkalicious. Hmm.

  "Mrs. Rog– I apologize. I mean Lacey. Your friend here told me she would tan my hide herself if I addressed you as Mrs. Rogers." A small chuckle erupts from Chris, I mean Doctor Hunkalicious, as he introduces himself while shaking his head and then glancing over at Becca. I try to smile, appreciating how well my bestie knows me.

  A Smurf peeks around the second doctor, and leans in extra close to Doctor Hunkalicious Intern, breaking all the rules of etiquette regarding personal space.

  "Hi, Lacey, my name is Mindy, and you, my dear, are in luck because I'm your nurse for the night." She winks and begins fiddling with something on the bed. "I'm going to roll the blanket up for the doctor to look at your legs."

  I'm stunned by the coldness of the room. I look up at Mom and scrunch my eyebrows as panic sets in. There is something up my ‘you-know-what’ and they can see it. Oh Lord, please don’t let me be humiliated more. How freaking more embarrassing can this get?

  Mom joins me at my side and holds my sore, tube-and-wire clad hand. My whole body feels as though it was hit by a freight train. How am I supposed to feel any one thing when I already feel too much?

  "Hold on, Lacey. I know you're hurting. Just concentrate on holding my hand, Sweetie."

  Ugh that word again, Sweetie. Does she not remember the twat that stole that word from me?

  “We would like to check some things out. Lacey, can you nod yes or no if you remember what happened and why you are here?"

  My eyes travel up to the doctor's, and I remain expressionless. I don't want to tell a complete stranger how foolish I was.

  "That's okay; we don't need to go into that now, but we’ll
need to assess your memory soon. I'm going to take this and run it over different areas of your legs. I want you to blink twice if you can feel it, okay?"

  I close my eyes and then open to blink twice for him.

  "Lacey, can you wiggle your toes for me?"

  Of course, I can wiggle my toes. What kind of idiotic question is that? Argh! Pain shoots up my spine.

  Mom must see the irritation switch to fear on my face.

  "He needs to find out how bad your injuries are, Sweetie."

  I want to scream at her, but instead decide to wiggle my toes despite the pain.

  "Great job, Lacey. We'll bring you some more medicine to help with the pain in a sec," says Smurfette Mindy, easing my mind a bit.

  "Very well. Can you feel this?" Mr. Hunkalicious Intern asks.

  I look down and blink twice.

  "I'm glad to know that. I need to make sure you have the sensation on each side of your feet. Can you feel this?"

  I blink twice.

  "And this?" he asks in his clipped tone while running that sharp thing on the inside of my foot.

  I want to pull it away, but I can't. What the hell? Why can't I move my leg? I feel a tear run down my cheek. Why can I wiggle my toes but not move my legs? As I'm ripped apart with fear, I can't help but notice Hunkalicious steal glances at Becca. She's completely oblivious.

  "It's a great sign for you to have feeling in your lower extremities. Hopefully, you'll pass the exam with flying colors today." Doctor Deaton tries to assure me. Pass the exam? He pulls his clown chair over and sits next to me. I turn to look at the doctor, wincing from the pain felt with each and every movement.

  Chris, aka Doctor Hunkalicious, continues asking the same questions with regards to my right foot, and it's great news that I can feel it, as well. He moves up my calf and runs that freaking sharp thing on the outside and inside of my thighs. I seem to pass the exam here, too. Chris walks behind the doctor, crossing his arms as he leans against the wall.